Zoltan

Welcome to Zoltan’s life. It is often funny, slightly insensitive, and mostly odd. This is meant to be funny though and if you take anything that he says seriously you need to chill out and go back to counting your beanie babies. There are three main people that show up in these posts. These people are:

Zoltan: the star of the show, take whatever he says with a grain of salt.
Kevin: (a.k.a Kevij) a house mate of Zoltan he puts up with a lot of crap, and he’s Belgian.
Brenny: (a.k.a Brendan) another catalyst for hilarity at the expense of Zoltan

Everything that is said or seen on this site is real and did really happen, you have to take my word on it. Any questions can be left in the comments or emailed. Although everything has been said, much of it is not meant. There will be profanity, sometimes in excessive amounts. This is not meant to defame anyone and is only meant for the funny. If you have a problem that’s just too bad

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Brenny- “Wow I’m surprised you didn’t say anything about Star Trek…”
Zoltan- “I have restraint.”
Brenny- “No you don’t.”
Zoltan- “If I didn’t have any restraint I would be standing on top of this table helicoptering my penis around…”

Zoltan playing Star Wars Battlefront all by himself and pretending to be a jawa- “I eat butter!”

Zoltan driving and waiting for a car to go at a stop sign-
“Um…….Uuuuuuuuuuuuummmmmmm……. UUUMMMMMMMMMM!!”

Zoltan with alcohol in him staring at a whisk- “Dude, this thing is just chicken wire and the binding of a spiral notebook.”

Zoltan with alcohol in him staring at a box of Cookie Crisps- “The dog… he’s… bursting out of a bowl of cereal!!!” *laughs hysterically for 30 minutes straight*

Zoltan + alcohol sees a ball roll past him and under the table. Looks up confused at Freddy- “Fredrik, do you have any pets?”

Shartle- “Yea we got in an accident this weekend downtown.”
Kevin- “What happened?”
Shartle- “Zoltan hit an old lady in his car.”
Zoltan- “She wasn’t old…”

Zoltan’s brain having a bad day
“Yea and I can be the creepy uncle grandpa”

Kevin- “Is this the last of the steaks?”
Zoltan- “Pork?”
Kevin- “…”

Zoltan while playing Super Smash Bros.
“I want adult diapers.”

Zoltan after getting owned in Smash Bros.
“F**k this, I’m watching porn!”

“Dear Diary, I decided I’m gonna write gay romance novels.”

Kevin-”Are you gay?”
Zoltan- “A lot.”

Kevin- “Do you like the porno?”
Zoltan nods with fork in his mouth.

Zoltan as the creepy old man he will one day become:
“He’s a big boy, he can wear thongs if he wants to.”

“I’m Batman, I eat hard-boiled eggs.”

Kevin- “That’s my fork”
Zoltan- “And my ax!”
Kevin-”…”
Zoltan-”F**k you, I’ll throw you off of Isengard!”

” (Tarzan Noise)
You’re scaring the children
I don’t care about children

I was a butt pirate, but only for the swordfighting.